Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Give Me Back My Tongue!

Arkillo, a soldier of the Sinestro Corps. A monster? Yes. A villain? Absolutely. But he is a tragic villain.

As I discussed previously, the misfortunes of comic book characters sadden me. And nothing upsets me more than blatant brutal mutilation.

Yes, Arkillo spread a reign of terror across the universe. He just did not deserve this:

(From Green Lantern Corps #34, 2009)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Magic Comics, Who Needs 'Em?... I DO

When I acquire an interest, I have the tendency to go a little overboard and become obsessed. For example, you would think that reading Green Lantern comic books would be enough for me. It's not. I need t-shirts, a mug, a belt buckle, action figures, toy rings, and any other Green Lantern paraphernalia I can get my hands on.

In Middle School, I starting playing the trading card game, Magic The Gathering. I loved it. Collecting Marvel and professional wrestling trading cards was something I loved to do when I was a young boy, so this really tickled my fancy.

Being me, getting together with my friends to trade Magic cards and play the game wasn't enough. On one not-so-fateful day in Redner's Warehouse Market, I saw a Magic The Gathering comic book. Yay! Paraphernalia, my favorite! I wish I could go back and tell the young me "hey go for the Flash and Superman comic books, because in 15 years you're going to spend a lot of money catching up if you don't". I'm not about to read this comic book again, but from what I remember, it was not very good.

I even got in trouble for this comic book. I used to go in to work with my dad and uncle when I was young to learn some basic responsibilities. Instead of doing the work I needed to do, I started reading my Magic The Gathering comic book, and got yelled at because of it. You know what? Shame on me. If it was a Spiderman comic book, I would have taken my own side. But not for this.

Here is the dilemma. This is a series of 4 comic books. I own 2 of the 4. It is killing me that I do not have the other 2. I even went as far as looking for the other 2 on ebay to complete the set. I don't even play or collect Magic The Gathering cards anymore. I can't help it, I'm obsessed, help me!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (2-27-12)

Where did Bruce Wayne send his used Volkswagen?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Nash #1

"The poor and the hungry face a bleak future. A future that would be entirely without hope were it not for one thing: A man. A legend. Called... NASH."

That's right, folks. "Big Daddy Cool" Kevin Nash, self-proclaimed greatest world champion of all time, founding member of the nWo (which I still to this day am an active supporter of), and one of the most influential people in my life starred in his own comic book.

Published by Image Comics in 1999, written by Kevin Nash and Marat Mychaels, and Illustrated by Marat Mychaels, Jaime Mendoza, and Mark Nicholas, this comic book is set in a post-apocalyptic world. People are suffering from disease and hunger, being terrorized by an organization of hoodlums, but who will save them? Simple. NASH, that's who.

The world is corrupted by the Citadel, a clique led by a man named Cyrus Storm. His lackeys are roaming the streets, taking what they want and murdering innocent people. Well, that is until Nash comes along and kicks the crap out of the bad guys. Nash is a defector that was once part of the Citadel. He got fed up and decided to give the innocent people some hope.

There is a ton of violence in this comic book. At one point, Nash sticks a spike right through some guy's nostril. However, Nash is a pretty charming super hero. He makes light of the situation where he can, much like Peter Parker in the middle of a fight. For example, "Hey, I'm not the one hiding my bad breath behind a freakin face mask!", as he smashes a thug's face in.

There is one shot that anyone familiar with Kevin Nash's wrestling move set will recognize... THE BIG BOOT!


Something else about this comic book, it's SEXY:

Ooh La La.

Ooh La La!

Ooh La La?

I really enjoyed Nash #1. Once again, two of my favorite things are combined: comic books and professional wrestling. Unfortunately, the Nash comic book is no longer in production. However, there is a second issue...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (2-21-12)

Why did the Joker try to spray Batman with gold paint?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Caption Figures SPECIAL EDITION: The Shockmaster!

"Our partner is going to shock the world, because he is none other than, THE SHOCKMASTER!!!"

"ohhhhh God..."

...*awkward silence*...

"He fell flat on his arse...he fell flat on his f***in arse!!!"

Check out the debut of The Shockmaster on YouTube. His first and last appearance. Well, that is until he made it on my action figure shelf.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Starting Lineup

Above is my current action figure display. From left to right:

Andrew Bernard, Two-Face, Green Lantern Hal Jordan, PEZ Batman, Professor Zoom (Reverse-Flash), Blue Lantern Corps Flash, Sinestro, Wolverine, Hulk Hogan, The Shockmaster, Triple H, Michelangelo, Dominic Santiago, Dwight Schrute.

This is just a small portion of my overall action figure collection. Don't worry, I've got a lot of good toys on the bench. Although some action figures are constants on my shelf, I like to mix it up with others. I maintain a nice action figure rotation.

I encourage you to comment with what's in your action figure collection. And be sure to stop by tomorrow for a special edition of Caption Figures!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Zero-Tolerance Policy

The Green Lantern Corps accepts all races and smashes all racists.

(From Green Lantern Corps #38, 2009)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Warrior #1

One thing that is quite apparent on this blog is that I am a huge professional wrestling fan. I have been watching pretty much since I was born. When I was a kid, as with many children at the time, I looked up to The Ultimate Warrior. He is by far the most intense professional wrestler that has ever stepped into the squared circle.

Over the past year, Warrior Man (as he's known to his fans) has developed quite an online presence. Through his website, YouTube videos, Twitter feed, and Facebook page, he's been real active spreading the intensity he once displayed in the late 80s/early 90s, and inspiring all of the Warrior fans out there who still believe. From a personal standpoint, it's working, and I believe.

Feeling the power of the Warrior and having this forum to talk about comic books, I had to get my hands on a copy of Warrior #1. Published by Ultimate Creations in 1996, it was written by Warrior and illustrated by Jim Callahan and J.D. Smith. This comic book is fucking crazy.

As soon as you turn the cover, you immediately get pumped up. The first thing you see is this:


There is a pretty straightforward theme to this comic book: belief in one's self. Every text box is complicated and deep. At first you scratch your head and wonder “huh?” Then you process it, wrap your head around the meaning, and read the next sentence because you’re so fired up and excited to be alive. For example: "The strength of one's beliefs cannot be subject to the cruelties brought on by the change in seasons..." Well, I'm ready to pump some iron and make my dreams a reality.

As you read, you witness the Warrior struggle through his journey to where he belongs, home. On his way, he battles the elements, demons, and himself. He literally fights demons. They come at him left and right and he uses his brute strength to destroy them. As I was reading, all I wanted to do was jump through the page and pummel some demons alongside the Warrior. You watch as the Warrior overcomes all odds and convinces himself that there is nothing that will stop him.

Not until the end of the comic book do you realize where exactly the Warrior is:


I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have never read a comic book like Warrior #1 in my life. If there was one thing that this comic book captured, it's the pure intensity of the Warrior. And if there is one thing that the Warrior has imparted on numbers of people, it's inspiration. Thanks to this comic book, I have officially added a new word into my vocabulary, “Foked”. This site will be fueled by the power of the Warrior, adopting the theme "TIME TO GET FOKED":

Monday, February 13, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (2-13-12)

What happened when the Joker lit a match under the foot of a plastic surgeon?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Spray It, Don't Say It

There are few things on earth that I enjoy more than a good old-fashioned comic book. I spend more time than you would think reading silver age comics. I'm actually in the process of collecting as much golden and silver age Green Lantern as I can. However, there is one aspect of older-style comic books that I am happy we've steered away from. THE WORDS. My gosh, the words.


(From Showcase Presents: Green Lantern, Vol. 1)

Look, I appreciate the hokeyness of it all. But we don't need every single thing explained to us. And I mean, everything:

(From Showcase Presents: Green Arrow, Vol. 1)

I understand that comic books were geared towards children, so they needed to be straightforward. But "holy extensive dialogue, Batman!" It's a comic book. You're showing us the story with pictures, why cover them up with words?


Hey Bruce, we can see your flesh wounds, and who are you talkin' to?

Although I'm poking fun at our comic book forefathers, this cheesy, elaborate dialogue is one of the aspects of older comics that I truly love. I wouldn't want them any other way.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Man in the Iron Man Mask

As I discussed in a previous post, The Fat Wolverine, I was into art as a young man. One art class assignment in high school was to create a mask. Obviously, my head went right to comics. I made this.

Although you can pretty much sleep through art class and still get an A, I like to think that I put a good amount of effort into my projects. I consider this mask a success.

Sure I didn't cut holes through the eyes so I could see, or put some kind of strap around it so it could stay on my head. But, does the real Iron Man have any of that? No. Does the real Iron Man have people constantly harassing him about holes and straps on masks? No. So get off my back about it. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Heroes in a Half-Shell (TPB)

Every day, Midtown Comics has a Deal of the Day special. On January 26th, the deal was 50% off Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Heroes in a Half-Shell. Being a huge Turtles fan myself, I jumped at this.

Published by Archie Comics in 2009, this trade paperback is a collection of a three issue mini-series done by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, original titled "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures":


The mini-series tells the tale of the first five episodes of the 1987 cartoon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It starts off with news reporter, April O'Neal, in New York City reporting a story and getting attacked by some hooligans. To escape, she has to duck down into the sewers. The thugs follow her down and get their butts kicked by Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo... THE TURTLES. April faints from complete disbelief and shock. Little does she know, when she wakes up, things are about to get weirder. Once she comes out of it, she’s greeted by Splinter, the talking rat. She befriends Splinter and the Turtles and a true action-adventure begins.

April, Splinter, and the Turtles are up against Shredder, Splinter's archenemy, and Krang, a tyrant that was stripped of his body and reduced to a brain. There's a bit of a power struggle between Shredder and Krang that makes for an interesting dynamic. Shredder wants nothing more than to just destroy Splinter and the Ninja Turtles. Krang's main priority is to get Shredder to build him a new body so that he can rule the world. Poor Krang, just a pile of goo looking for a body.

There are some other fun characters in the mix, but I won't spoil everything. Just prepare yourself for lots of action, lots of Turtles, and lots of pizza.

At one point, Michelangelo comes in holding 3 pizzas. Let’s analyze the toppings:
  • Pepperoni and ice cream- This just doesn’t make sense. Ice cream wouldn't stand a chance on a hot melted cheese and pepperoni pizza. That shit would be all over the sewer floor before it hit the table.
  • Jelly bean and mushroom- This is fine. At least they're both vegetables.
  • Anchovies and peanut butter- I'd be curious to see how this is put together. If it were in my kitchen, I'd use the peanut butter as the sauce, spread it on the dough, then chop the anchovies nice and small and distribute them all over the pizza. Delicious.
A great read at a great price, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Heroes in a Half-Shell was fun and brought me back to my childhood. I recommend it for anyone who... well... just anyone.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Let's Put A Smirk On That Face! (2-6-12)

Why did the Joker bring a rope to the ball game?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Get Larfleeze Some Food!

As I've mentioned in a previous post, 3 of The New 52, I'm currently subscribing to Green Lantern: New Guardians. It really is one of my favorite comic book titles, mainly because I love the integration of all of the colors of the emotional spectrum. Plus, it focuses on Kyle Rayner, Larfleeze (Agent Orange), and some of the less popular Lanterns. In the latest issue, Green Lantern: New Guardians #5, Tony Bedard, Tyler Kirkham, and BATT present one of the most amazing combinations of writing and illustration that had me laughing out loud. Moments like these are what make me love Larfleeze, controller of the orange light of avarice:

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A Tribute to Professional Wrestlers in Comic Book Movies

Kevin Nash, a.k.a. "Big Daddy Cool" Diesel- Here is a wrestler who has had such an impact on my life. Kevin Nash not only is the self-proclaimed greatest world champion of all time, but he is one of the founding members of the greatest wrestling stable that has ever existed, the nWo.

As I previously discussed in my top 5 favorite comic book movies, I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fanatic as a child. I know, some of you are wondering "how does Kevin Nash fit into that?" Here's how. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991). Remember when shredder becomes Super Shredder at the end of the movie and goes on a rampage? Yup. That's Big Kev.

He also made an appearance in The Punisher (2004) as The Russian. Kevin Nash enters and an all out brawl ensues between him and Thomas Jane. He loses, and his face gets burnt off. Sorry, Nash fans. Regardless, Kevin Nash has made his mark on both professional wrestling and comic book movies. I will always fly the flag for Big Kev and the nWo, 4 life.


"Macho Man" Randy Savage- Ooh Yeah! As the "Macho Man", Randy Savage was one of the most intense, unique, influential professional wrestlers that ever lived. As the wrestler Bonesaw McGraw in Spider-man (2002), he gave Peter Parker a run for his money, literally. Not only was Randy Savage fitting to be in a steel cage with Peter Parker, but he looked jacked. When Bonesaw got his ass kicked, I was convinced that Peter Parker had superhuman strength.

I find it funny that they chose "Macho Man" to play a character based on "Crusher Hogan" from Spider-man comics. At that point in his career, Randy hated Hulk Hogan, and rightfully so. Maybe that's why he accepted the role. In any case, we all miss you, Randy. You will live on in our hearts, our action figures, and our Spider-man DVDs.


"The Game", Triple H- What a way for a professional wrestler to break into acting. In Blade: Trinity (2004), Triple H plays vampire Jarko Grimwood. I love Triple H, I really do. His professional wrestling career has spanned decades and he has held the heavyweight championship more times than most. However, his character in Blade: Trinity had no depth whatsoever and was pretty much just muscle. But hey, I'm fine with that. He's huge. It's a fitting role. I just think we can all agree that the movie would have been better off if it were focused on Triple H pumping some iron.


"Hot Rod", "Rowdy" Roddy Piper- Roddy Piper was arguably the most controversial professional wrestler of his time. He's one of the biggest wrestling badasses. The guy body-slammed Mr. T in a boxing match at WrestleMania 2, wore a kilt, had his own talk show (Piper's Pit), and was in They Live. He's the real deal. I recently picked up a copy of Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (2011). As I was watching, I noticed the character Bolphunga's voice sounded very familiar. It was, in fact, the voice of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Another great combination of two of my favorite things on earth, comics and professional wrestling.