Wednesday, March 28, 2012

TMNT Micro-Series #1

I'll be the first to admit that when I was younger, I was more of a watcher and toy collector of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles than a reader. Lately, I've been more interested in reading whatever I can get my hands on. I previously discussed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Heroes in a Half-Shell (TPB). However, I want a more serious take on the Turtles. Luckily, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Micro-Series #1 - Raphael (let's call it TMNT Micro-Series #1 from now on) caught my eye when I was browsing the shelves of Midtown Comics.

Published by IDW in 2011, TMNT Micro-Series #1 is a story that focuses on Raphael, the sai wielding, temperamental one. It's written by Brian Lynch and illustrated by Franco Urru and Fabio Mantovani.

The story starts off with Raphael and Casey Jones in the heart of the city, beating the crap out of some real scum. They're jabronis. Batting practice. No problem for Raph and Casey. The action heats up when they hear gunshots. It's Rocksteady and Bebop! Rocksteady and Bebop are chasing what looks like some weird ghost/mummy. It's not. That'd be crazy. If there is one thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles never was, it's crazy. What is it? Oh, it's a snow fox that talks. Big deal.

Raph and Casey equalize Rocksteady and Bebop and save Alopex, the damsel fox in distress. This is a fitting character for the series due to the fact that it was once just an animal, but was transformed into human form, similar to the Turtles. She explains that since then, all sorts of people have been sent to capture her.


Raphael decides to take Alopex to Splinter to get help. As Raphael is carrying Alopex, he analyzes the situation and realizes that this was all a setup. To test this theory, he does what any normal and sane person would do. He throws her off the roof of a building. She shoots out these claws that look like Nosferatu's and clings to the wall of the building, saving herself. After her and Raph get into a tussle, she bails.

We find out that she was actually working with Rocksteady and Bebop who, at the end of the comic, allude to the fact that they will soon be mutated. Who were they working for? Well...

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (3-27-12)

How did the Joker keep a skunk from smelling?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Coming Soon...

Get ready for a collaboration between me and derryX (my brother) that is going to be fun and awesome. Stay tuned!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Check Your Ego at the Door

Listen Lois, you don't have to wave your fancy schmancy technology in our faces. We get it, you know how to use a computer. You could have just left him a Post-it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Nash #2

I hope you all enjoyed my review of Image Comics' Nash #1. Let's move on to Nash #2, the exciting conclusion of Nash!... hope you're ready...

Published by Image Comics in 1999, written by Kevin Nash and Marat Mychaels, and illustrated by Marat Mychaels, Allen Martinez, and Mark Nicholas, this comic book starts off where Nash #1 ends.

Nash was knocked down by some psycho named Trax who wants Nash dead. Before Trax kills Nash, he wants to keep him alive as a distraction so that he can acquire more power, so he flees.

Tara Storm, daughter of main bad guy Cyrus Storm, really has the hots for Nash. She wants him to quit the life saving business and rejoin the citadel. Like a true hero, Nash declines.

Then, Nash has some sex with a bunch of beautiful ladies. If there is one thing that these Nash comics do not lack, it's sexiness. It's not all sexy, however. One of the women turns out to be a murderer, kills the other women in the orgy, and gets into a brawl with Nash. She ends up shooting a young boy and Nash shoots her in response. Nash is fed up. Here it is, he's going to put an end to all of this! As he says in the comic, "You want to kill me so bad, you're going to have to do it yourself! 'Cause I'm taking this fight to your front door--".

Ok! I'm ready! The conclusion!

...wait a minute. Huh? To be continued? To be continued in what!? There are no more issues of Nash!

Unfortunately, Nash #3 does not exist. As a collector, this causes me emotional and physical pain. The Nash saga is not complete. I want what all of the comic book collectors, Kevin Nash fans, and nWo supporters need: Nash #3, the finale.

Here is my sincere, and most-likely delusional goal: I want to rally to get Nash #3 made.

I live on earth. I know how things work. But look at Stallone. He went back to Rocky and Rambo years later. Tron Legacy came out almost 20 years after the first Tron movie. These things were relevant at a time, went away, and the fire was rekindled. And don't tell me that fans speaking out online has never made an impact. Remember when they had to reshoot scenes for Snakes on a Plane because there were so many fans that wanted to see Samuel L. Jackson curse?

All that I'm saying is that if there is even a .00001% chance of convincing Kevin Nash and Image Comics to make Nash #3, I am going to do everything I can to make that happen. If there is ever a post to get out there and get people to see, it's this one. Whether you're reading this today, tomorrow, or years from now, let people know. Spread Nash awareness on Twitter (#NashAwareness), Facebook, Google +, and anywhere else you can.

To Kevin Nash and Image Comics, we want Nash #3!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (3-19-12)

Where did the Joker see dancing hamburgers?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Caption Figures #9

"Hey Triple H, thanks for letting me borrow your elbow pad. I gotta cover up this tattoo on my arm. When I got it they didn't tell me it was Chinese for 'fart'."

Please comment with your own captions!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Ever since I was a young child, I have always loved Jean-Claude Van Damme. Bloodsport and Kickboxer are arguably my favorite movies of all time. In 1994, Van Damme starred in the movie Timecop, which was also released as a two-issue comic book published by Dark Horse. I can dedicate a whole blog to Jean-Claude Van Damme... but let's talk about the comic book!

The Timecop comics were released in September of 1994, the same month as the release of the movie. Written by Mark Verheiden and illustrated by Ron Randall, the comics follow the same plot as the movie, shot for shot in some spots. There are even some lines of dialogue that are in both the movie and the comic book. Some people might find this corny. Personally, I think that if the comic and the movie are called Timecop, there should be overlap. So get off my back about it.

The story starts in 1994, where members of the Time Enforcement Commission (T.E.C.) are discussing the possibility of time travel, which has not been perfected yet. They want to be the first group to take control of the technology before another country does. To spearhead the project, they choose Senator McComb, a full-bearded bastard that looks like he’s up to no good.

The main character Max Walker is a cop, a husband, and an all around good guy. This is illustrated right away, where they show him stopping some low life from stealing a woman’s purse.

(Similar shot from the film)

Max talks to his wife, Melissa, about the T.E.C. offering him a job. He wants to take it, but Melissa doesn’t want him to. They’re in bed. She’s gorgeous. They’re naked, eating Ritz crackers. They're about to go at it again, and the phone rings. HE PICKS IT UP. It’s his job. He needs to go in. As Max is leaving, he’s attacked. The house explodes with Melissa inside, leaving her dead.

The story jumps ahead to 2004, where time travel exists and Max is a cop that enforces laws that govern time travel. He’s a TIMECOP. At this point you may wonder, “why doesn’t Max just go back and save his wife?” They say “NO ONE GOES BACK”. It’s too dangerous to go back because any change that occurs in the past can potentially alter the future. Even with Max understanding this, you can tell that he’s tempted to go back to save his wife. That, to me, is a true hero.

Senator McComb is a real power-hungry piece of trash in 2004. Max is the only person who sees this, so he must go back in time to stop McComb from altering the past for his own personal gain. It’s not that easy. Max is confronted with betrayal, thugs, an altered existence, and his past.

(Similar shot from the film)

The Timecop comic book adaptation is a perfect compliment to the movie, or a fantastic read independent of the movie. They say "NO ONE GOES BACK", huh? Well I can assure you, in this case, I will definitely be going back and reading these comics again and again.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

More Fat Characters

Who's better than Superman? A fat Superman:

Lex Luthor. Have you ever looked at him and thought "he's such a great supervillain, but he's a little thin in the waste"? Well guess again:

If you're like me and love a character who knows how to pound some burgers like Superslob and Large Luthor here, these previous posts are for you: Top 5 Comic Book Movies and The Fat Wolverine

Monday, March 12, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (3-12-12)

Why did the Joker feed his plants dog food?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Hulk: Gray (TPB)

I'm really not a fan of the Hulk. Maybe it's just lack of interest, or maybe it's ignorance. Either way, I don't find myself grabbing that big green bastard off the shelf at the comic book shop.

Hulk: Gray (2004), however, is a story about the Hulk that I not only have read multiple times, but I really love. Written by Jeph Loeb and illustrated by Tim Sale, this story focuses on the early, gray version of the Hulk. No, the book is not that obvious. There is also an underlying theme, which is that the world is not always black and white, in a philosophical sense.

The story starts off with Bruce Banner visiting his friend, who happens to be a psychologist, in the middle of the night to talk. He recalls tales of being the Hulk at the beginning of it all. This is great for me because I'm not a regular Hulk reader, so I can catch up with the origins, as well as go beyond how Bruce Banner became the Hulk.

As many of you probably know, Bruce Banner became the Hulk by absorbing loads of gamma radiation. The reason why he was out in a field in the middle of the radiation is because some punk kid, Rick Jones, was wandering around with nothing better to do than stand in the middle of an army test site. Bruce Banner saves Rick's life by throwing him to safety and taking the gamma radiation blast himself. When Bruce Banner realizes that he's alive after such a shock, he goes off on Rick and flat out blames him for ruining his life. Good for him. Rick's lucky he didn't punch his dumb lights out.

Betty Ross' relationship with the Hulk in this story is not some sappy love story, where she finds him hideous at first, but grows to love him. She is legitimately scared by him and doesn't want to be anywhere near him. Her father, General Ross, adds no comfort to her life. You wonder who's the meaner monster, the Hulk, or General Ross?

Iron Man has a great cameo in this book. Him and the Hulk go at it and it's a pretty brutal battle. My favorite part of their tussle, however, is that the Hulk keeps calling Iron Man a robot. What a moron.

I really like everything about Hulk: Gray. My absolute favorite part about it is that it ends with Bruce Banner getting really, really pissed...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Big Boot

One of the most intense, in your face (literally) moves there is. It's a move that I've noticed has come up a couple of times in comic books. I'm not talking about a kick to the face. The big boot is just a simple lift of the leg as your opponent is running at you, introducing the bottom of your foot to your opponent's face. Let's take a look, shall we?

(Nash from Nash #1, 1999)

(Major Force from Green Lantern #55, 1994)

Who gives the better big boot, Nash or Major Force? Comment with your vote.

If you've seen an instance of a boot to the face, let me know and I'll feature it in a big boot revisit in the future.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Let's Put a Smirk On That Face! (3-5-12)

What did the Joker get when he crossed a swimming pool with a movie theater?

(From The Joker's Joke Book, DC Comics Inc., 1987)

Comment with what you think is the answer! I'll post the correct answer tomorrow morning in the comments section.