Saturday, December 29, 2012

2012 Year End Survey - I Need Your Vote!

I have been working on The Fat Lantern since January of 2012. It's the end of the year and I would love to get your feedback on what the best feature of the blog has been. The more feedback I get, the easier it is for me to focus on the things that all of you enjoy the most. So please vote and spread the word. Thank you for reading!


Friday, December 28, 2012

Caption Figures #40

"I hate yellow trees!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

The King of Action Figures Joins The Corps

This year, I received one of the greatest Christmas gifts of all time from my brother, derryX. Please join me as I welcome the newest member of The Fat Lantern Corps, Conan The Barbarian:

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

FAT Illustrations - The Christmas Edition

Merry Christmas!

Today, I have a couple of FAT Illustrations for you.

The first FAT Illustration comes from a friend of mine from high school, Jessica Kowalczik!

Super Santa
Thanks, Jessica! Superman has never looked so fat and jolly!

The next FAT Illustration comes from Deemar Daniel!

Apparently Cyclops ate Professor X for his chair
Thanks, Deemar! I encourage you to check out more from Deemar at his website.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Monday, December 24, 2012

FAT Illustrations - Atrociclaus Is Coming To Town

Today's FAT Illustration, for the first time ever, comes from ME, Dominick, The Fat Lantern!

He's making a list, and checking it twice, gonna find out who's angry or nice...

I want to wish you all the happiest of holidays. Thank you for reading, and thank you to those who have participated in FAT Illustrations so far. I appreciate you all.

Please, keep reading, keep up the FAT work, and keep telling your friends about the greatest blog in Space Sector 2814, The Fat Lantern!

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Calling All Artists Again - Help Save Christmas!

Happy Holidays to all. I hope you are enjoying Slobmas, the time prior to Christmas day when you eat like a slob for no reason other than that the food is in front of you.

I need help. Every week, I showcase a FAT Illustration drawn by one of the readers. I want to switch things up a little for Christmas. On Christmas day, I want to showcase FAT Illustrations that are Christmas-themed. Instead of posting one, I will display every illustration I get in the same post.

If you are an artist, just like to draw, or even don't like to draw and want to sketch something fun and funny, please send it to me on Twitter or Google +. Just draw a fat version of any comic book/video game/sci-fi character, put a holiday twist on it, and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise). These illustrations do not need to be elaborate, as long as they get the idea across.

Here are some examples that I'm sure would look great: a fat Green Lantern Santa; a slob Robin reindeer; an obese Spider-man snowman.

But wait! There's more! For the first time ever, I will be participating in FAT Illustrations. On Christmas Eve morning, I will post an illustration drawn by me. It will be Christmas-themed, it will be geeky, and it will be FAT.

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Caption Figures #39

"So, Batista... put some damn clothes on!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Guitar Center Is Trying To Ruin Christmas

As a gamer, I resent this commercial:



"Thanks for not getting me that video game I asked for"? That's offensive to me. I grew up playing instruments and playing video games. I don't see why one has to be portrayed as better than the other.

There's room for everyone in this world. Except Guitar Center, and that is why I'm officially boycotting them.

That one's for you, fellow gamers.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Merry Christmas, You Italian Gavone Bastard

I am an Italian-American. My parents were born in Italy, I was born in the United States. Brooklyn, New York to be exact. That has little to do with this story, except for the fact that I don't want to be called out for making fun of Italians. I've lived this shit my whole life, I know how it is.

When I was a young boy, I would work at my father's Italian deli. I barely did anything when I started, but I would go in to get the hang of being at work. As I got older, I learned more and more techniques. Finally, when I was old enough to start slicing cold cuts, I began serving customers.

Every holiday season we geared up for the busiest time of the year. During the week of Christmas, lines would form out the door. Being an Italian deli in upstate New York, you can imagine the range of people that would come and shop. There were nice folk and there were assholes. This is the story about a real son of a bitch.

It was Christmas Eve of 2000 and I was 16 years old. We were so busy that I could hardly take a breath between customers. Every Christmas, I always wore a festive hat, usually a Santa hat. This year, I found a quirky, striped green and white elf hat, so I decided to wear that. I figured that the customers would find it amusing. I was right.

I walk in front of the deli counter to hand a woman a bag of food that I had just prepared when some guy from the back of the line yells to me "Hey! Your hat's green! What the hell kind of hat is that? It's Christmas!". Everyone in the store laughed, and that guy had his moment. But now, I have my moment.

This guy was some Italian jackoff from Brooklyn who came upstate and thought he was hot stuff shopping at an Italian deli. Have you ever seen Goodfellas? Pick any male from that movie and that's what this guy modeled his behavior on. He was a prime example of a gavone (a rude, Italian-American jerk). I was nice. I smiled. I did not spit in his food because I would never do that no matter how mad a customer made me. But I never forgot. Because that's what Italians do. They hold onto grudges like Thor holds onto his hammer.

That was a pretty annoying Christmas Eve. But don't worry. Years later, I chose a profession that's the furthest thing from customer service. And that guy chose a life that's the closest thing to being a piece of shit.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Green Lantern Corps #15: It's Tearing Me Apart

On December 12th, we saw the release of Green Lantern Corps #15, the next installment of the crossover "Rise of the Third Army". Or as I like to call it, "Rise of the Guy Gardner".

This issue was written by Peter J. Tomasi, illustrated by Fernando Pasarin and Scott Hanna, and published by DC Comics. At this point in the Green Lantern Corps story, Guy Gardner has resigned from the Green Lantern Corps. In issue #15, Guy deals with being a nobody now that he doesn't have his Corps to serve. It starts off with him throwing a temper tantrum and smashing his house up. Then, he goes rogue. And he really kicks some ass. This is very similar to the Guy Gardner: Reborn storyline. Except this issue ends with him getting arrested...by his sister!

I get it. Guy Gardner is a hot-head. He never lived up to his dad's expectations. His siblings are way more successful than him. He feels that he let down his Corps. He has a lot to be angry about. It's great. I love it!

There's one problem. We're in the middle of a major, multi-title crossover. Why are we this focused on Guy Gardner? We do get a sprinkling of the Rise of the Third Army story in this issue with John Stewart and Fatality discovering pieces of Mogo in space, and the Guardians getting into it with Salaak. But overall, this comic is completely centered around Guy Gardner.

I finished this comic feeling excited that they gave us such an in depth look into the world of Guy. Then I closed the comic, glanced at the cover, noticed the "Rise of the Third Army" logo, and immediately felt annoyed. I actually forgot that I was reading a crossover issue.

I think Rise of the Third Army needs to be more cohesive. Green Lantern Corps #15 is one of my favorite issues of Green Lantern Corps, but one of my least favorite issues of Rise of the Third Army. The Third Army story was pushed to the side to build up the Guy Gardner story. I think it's great, but I feel like I'm being distracted when I want to be drawn in. I don't feel like all of the different titles are connected.

Let's keep it together, DC. We need a little more glue in Rise of the Third Army. A little more glue and a lot more RISING OF THE THIRD ARMY.

Monday, December 17, 2012

FAT Illustrations - Super Size Me

Today's FAT Illustration comes from Adam the Comic Book Kid!


Thanks, Adam! Now this is how a superhero group eats!

You can check out more from Adam at his cool website.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Caption Figures #38

"Get that finger outta my face!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

FAT Illustrations - Wolverine Can't Heal Obesity

Today's FAT Illustration comes from Keith Frank!

"Hey! Who wants a kebob?"
Thanks, Keith! I think you said it best: "A healing factor doesn't mean you have great metabolism. Poor Wolvie, reduced to using claws as kebabs."

You can check out more from Keith on Twitter or at his website.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal

Christmas to me is all about one thing: presents. I love presents. I love receiving them, I love giving them, and I love watching other people open them. Just thinking of the upcoming night filled with presents is making me want to jump up and down. And I'm 28. Imagine what I was like when I was 5.

Having a hard time? Well let me explain to you what I was like when I was 5.

It was 1989. It was a cold Christmas Eve, and all was calm. Except for the hyper Italians a.k.a. my family, so on second thought, things weren't that calm. In my house, Santa would make his appearance on Christmas Eve night after dinner. If you think about it, that was really nice of Santa to come and give us presents early so my parents wouldn't have to hear us scream and whine all night. Santa arrived, and my brother and I made out big time. We tore open our presents, and...


A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Thrower! It's a toy vehicle that literally shoots toy pizzas! And I could put any of my Ninja Turtles action figures on the seat to drive it! How fun! Now, I want you to be aware something. Look at the box to the toy and please pay close attention to the fine print:


"Turtle Assault Vehicle With The Works!" AN ASSAULT VEHICLE. This item was a toy up until "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Thrower". Then, it stopped being a toy and became AN ASSAULT VEHICLE.

Do you know how hard it is for a 5 year old with a battery operated plastic disc shooter to not shoot his brother? It's impossible. So as you have probably guessed, I shot the shit out of my brother derryX with those plastic pizzas. It was like an automatic weapon. You load a stack of 10 pizzas and let those pies fly.

It was immediately taken away by my parents and I wasn't allowed to play with it until I stopped using it as a weapon. But for a short period of time, that was the best Christmas ever.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Caption Figures #37

"Captain America's got nothin' on me!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Saga: The Dilemma

I've heard many great things about the Image comic book series Saga. By the time it entered my radar, the Volume One trade paperback, collecting issues #1-6, had just been released. I picked it up and enjoyed it, a lot. I didn't just like it, I loved it.

Here's the dilemma: do I wait for the Volume Two trade paperback or do I start subscribing to individual issues?

If I stick to collecting the trade paperbacks, I can have a nice Saga collection on my bookshelf. However, the trade paperbacks are published so long after the individual issues! Can I wait that long?

Ok so individual issues it is, right? Wrong. I have a problem. When I subscribe to a comic book series, I want (need) to go back and buy every issue prior to the issue that I start on. If I start on issue #7, I'm going to need to buy all of the back issues. This is a problem because it gets out of hand!

There was a Blue Beetle/Green Lantern: New Guardians crossover earlier this year. At the time, I wasn't subscribed to Blue Beetle. The crossover started on issue #9, so of course, I went out and bought issues #1-8 (which were more expensive than cover price, by the way). I know what you're thinking: "Hey Dominick, couldn't you just read some reviews?" No, I couldn't. Because I have a problem. I need to see every damn panel of a comic book series. Now I bet you're thinking "Hey! Yesterday, you wrote a whole blog post, full of aqua-puns, talking about a comic book series that you started at issue #14 and never read before that." Yeah, you're right. I hopped onto Aquaman at issue #14 and didn't know what the hell was going on.

Back to the issue at hand, what do I do about Saga: trade paperbacks or individual issues? Help!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Aquaman #14: Thoughts?

Anyone who has been reading DC Comics Justice League has seen previews for the Aquaman crossover "Throne of Atlantis". I want to start off by saying that I am not an Aquaman reader by any means. When it comes to Aquaman, I feel like a real FISH OUT OF WATER. But I have to say, I was intrigued.

I've heard great things about the current New 52 Aquaman series, written by Geoff Johns. Between that and my curiosity about the character, I was UP TO MY GILLS with excitement for the Aquaman/Justice League crossover. They really LURED me in. Finally, I couldn't take it. I was ready to read some Aquaman.

Wednesday, November 28th arrived and so did Aquaman #14! Prelude to "Throne of Atlantis"! I've been trying to SCALE back my reading to save some money, but I had to check this issue out. Skip forward to after I read it, and what a disappointment. I haven't followed Aquaman to this point, so for those of you who have, is there something that I missed? Maybe I was IN TOO DEEP, or maybe the comic is just boring. I'm not trying to ROCK THE BOAT. There's a certain sense of "I don't know what the hell I'm talking about", having never read Aquaman before this issue. But big, multi-title stories like this are partially geared toward people like me to try to introduce us to the character and REEL us in.

Aquaman, so far I'm not HOOKED.

If you have an opinion on Aquaman #14, please comment! Also, if you have a good aqua-pun, you can CAST them my way.

Monday, December 3, 2012

FAT Illustrations - Batman: Wide Load

Today's FAT Illustration comes from Nick Francis!

You're going to need a few more Robins.

Thanks, Nick! I always knew that when Batman eventually let himself go, he'd use Robin to pull his fat ass around.

You can check out more great art from Nick Francis here.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.