Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Step Away From The Comic Books!

I like to think that I am here not only to learn, but to teach. I have previously taught you the golden rule of new comic book day. Today, I'm going to teach you all some comic book store etiquette. Consider it another rule.

Don't stand in front of the god damn comic book racks in comic shops. Every time I go to pick up comics, people are standing in front of the comic book racks, reading the comic books.
  • To the comic book store employees - I love you guys. However, you should be acting as enforcers to get people away from the merchandise so that other customers can access it. Allowing it to happen prevents people like me from enjoying my comic book shopping experience. Instead of getting excited to pick up my comics, I have to prepare to plow through people to get my hands on an issue.
  • To the comic book store owners - You should be visiting your store(s). Customers are using the merchandise before it's bought. I don't walk into pizzerias and start pounding slices before I pay. Plus, these are items that people buy to collect. Do you really want the reputation of having a store that sells bent, ripped up comics with fingers oils all over them?
  • To the comic book readers - You are the worst. Pick the comics up, go to the counter, pay, and find a den to read them in, you cheap dicks.
There is no harm that can come from stepping away from the comic book rack. If you're going to continue being a sleazy, disgusting thief, stealing the material that's being sold at the comic book store, please move out of the way so I have a clear path to purchase it.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

FAT Illustrations - The Fat Spawn

Today's FAT Illustration comes from Timothy Conroy!

The only thing that's going to spawn is another order of fries.
Thanks, Tim! I think he should start getting in the routine of walking to the fridge instead of having people bring him food.

I encourage you all to check out more from great stuff from Tim at his blog.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Caption Figures #44

"Judo Chop!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Justice League The Flash Action Figure (The New 52)

I recently received the New 52 Justice League Flash action figure as a gift from my wife. Yes. That's right. Soak it in. I'm 28 and I receive action figures as gifts. That's the man I am.

I really like the packaging of this action figure series. The boxes are very slick and integrate the DC Comics logo. You can definitely spot a New 52 Justice League action figure in the store just by a quick glance. 

This action figure, released in September 2012, stands at 6.75 inches tall. This is the Barry Allen, New 52 Justice League Flash design by Jim Lee.


In terms of what's in the box, it's just The Flash. There are no accessories. I personally wish that it came with at least a base stand, especially since there are holes for it at the bottom of the feet. However, what this figure lacks in accessories, it makes up for in detail. It feels like Barry ran off the page of Justice League and onto your shelf. Even the bottom of his boots are accurate.


The New 52 Justice League action figures are not the most fun to play with, so if you're looking for a toy for your child, I'd skip this action figure series. However, if you're an adult collector like me, The Flash is a perfect fit for your display

Barry Allen of Earth, welcome to The Fat Lantern Corps! 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Name That Disappointment!

Hello and welcome to the first edition of Name That Disappointment! I'm your host, Dominick "The Fat Lantern". Oh boy do we have some fun in store for you today!

The way this game works is I'm going to give you clues and you're going to guess the comic book story for which I had high hopes but was completely disappointed by. The clues will be reasons why I didn't like the comic. Please comment with what you think the answer is. I'll post the answer in the comments section by the end of the week.

Clues:
  1. It felt like it took place on another planet (not just another universe).
  2. You couldn't tell whether to read up, down, left, or right.
  3. All of the characters looked like big, disproportionate slobs.
  4. It was so slow-moving that at certain points, I completely forgot that I was sitting there reading it.
  5. There was so much writing on each page that it felt like I was reading an actual book.
  6. There were more panels showing the news than of anything else.
  7. The cover for the trade paperback looks lazy and boring.
Remember, this is a comic book story that was well received, but I was absolutely disappointed by.

Now, I turn it over to you, the readers. NAME. THAT. DISAPPOINTMENT.

Monday, January 21, 2013

FAT Illustrations - HULK SCARF

Today's FAT Illustration comes from Tim Mason!
You wouldn't like him when he's hungry...
Thanks, Tim! This is what seems to happen to dudes who go off the gamma radiation.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Caption Figures #43

"I will not let you get away with my last slice of pizza!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Meeting Dan Slott

Last Wednesday, I had the pleasure of meeting one of the best, most controversial comic book writers out there, Dan Slott. When I heard that the man who killed off Peter Parker was doing a signing at Jim Hanley's Universe in New York City, I jumped at the chance to meet him.

Although, did he really kill Peter Parker? Technically...never mind. We aren't going there. Not now.

Dan Slott was in town to sign his new comic book, The Superior Spider-Man #1. Being that it was new comic book day and Jim Hanley's is a comic book shop, you would imagine that I got my copy of Superior Spider-Man when I arrived at the signing. Unfortunately, by the time I got to Jim Hanley's, they had already sold out of Superior Spider-Man #1!

Standing in line
Don't be alarmed. I went prepared. Thankfully, before I left in the morning, I thought to put my copy of The Amazing Spider-Man #700 (written by Dan Slott) in my work bag. There was one catch: it was a Midtown Comics exclusive variant! So there I was, in line at Jim Hanley's Universe, waiting to get a Midtown Comics exclusive comic signed by Dan Slott. What were they going to do, kick me out? They also gave us a card with the cover of The Superior Spider-Man #1 printed on it for Dan Slott to sign. I thought that was nice of Jim Hanley's, just in case some people came empty handed.

The wait to meet Dan Slott from where I was standing was about 3 hours. There weren't a ton of people, but the line was moving slowly. I was fine with that. There were some cool people next to me in line so we talked about comics the entire time. That's one of my favorite parts of going to these signings.

When I got up to Dan Slott, I realized why the line was moving so slowly. He's really gracious and talks to his fans a lot. Everyone had questions about Spider-Man and he seemed willing to answer them all. I thanked him for having the balls to write The Amazing Spider-Man #700. Yes, I said it like that. Every now and then I think we need someone to come along and really shake things up. That's what Dan Slott did with The Amazing Spider-Man #700. I wanted to let him know that I appreciated it, especially since he's gotten so much much negative feedback from it.

Dan Slott signing comics
Meeting Dan Slott was a great experience. I've been an on and off reader of Spider-Man over the years and his recent run has definitely got me on again. I am so excited to have these collectibles on my shelf.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Attention Twitter Snobs

Twitter is fantastic. I use it more than any other social media site (you can follow me @TheFatLantern). It's been a great place to spread the word about The Fat Lantern and also meet some great people. Not only have I made a lot of friends who share similar interests, but we also converse about these interests. I love that.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who use Twitter a little differently. Over the past year, I've followed many people who I believe to be a bit delusional. These are the people who love gaining followers...but don't seem to like following people so much. Now, I realize that when you follow a celebrity, you shouldn't expect to get followed back. I think the term "celebrity" gets lost in translation on Twitter. I'm not talking about the movie star or musician with 500,000 followers. I'm talking about the people with 800 or 1,000 followers.

Hey, I would love to have 1,000 followers or more. I can't wait until I get there. You know what the difference will be though? I'm actually going to reciprocate and follow people back. I don't follow everyone who follows me. But if they seem nice and interact with me, I will follow absolutely anyone. I can not tell you how many people I've followed and interacted with (or attempted to) who have just completely given me the cold shoulder. And I'm not talking about tweeting to someone and not getting a response. I've followed people for 6 months to 1 year, attempted to converse multiple times, and gotten nowhere. Not anymore. From now on, you're lucky if I waste more than a week following you if you're going to behave like that.

There is no rule that says you have to follow people who follow you on Twitter. But it all boils down to manners. Some people have manners and it's fantastic. Some people, however, have a false sense of self importance. I see what they're doing. They think that if their ratio of followers to following is 10:1, they're going to be taken more seriously than the other slobs on Twitter who have a ratio of 1:1. To these people, I say screw your ratios and damn your self importance

Wait a minute, you actually have a blog? Holy crap. I can't believe that you found a way to get one of those. Please excuse me while I kiss your ass. Do you know who else has a blog? ME. Oh gosh, you live in New York City? Wow, that's so original. I am impressed. I am so god damn impressed by you and your New York City bullshit. Do you know who else lives in New York City? ME.

I don't care if you live in Manhattan, Seattle, Chicago, Italy, Jupiter, or wherever the fuck. If you're going to act like you're too good to follow me, I'm unfollowing your ass.

Monday, January 14, 2013

FAT Illustrations - Batman's Burgers

Today's FAT Illustration comes from my good buddy Daniel Eastman!

Quick! He needs to fatten up or his pants will fall down!
Thanks, Dan! Everyone knows that you never mess with Batman's burgers. Not even The Joker.

I recommend you all check out Dan Eastman on Twitter. If you want to laugh, he's your guy. You can also check out his blog.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Caption Figures #42

"What? I'm just hangin' out."
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

FAT Illustrations - Batman's Holiday Weight

Today's FAT Illustration comes from a young man named James (submitted by his mother Rose Broderick)! He drew us a not-so-fit Batman using Paint.

Even Batman can't help but gain some holiday weight
Great job, James! I'll bet I can guess what Batman's New Year's resolution is...

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

FAT Illustrations - Happy Blog-A-Versary, Poozer!

Today's FAT Illustration comes from Adam Wiebner! Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of The Fat Lantern so Adam was kind enough to draw a special anniversary FAT Illustration!


Thanks, Adam! Not only is this a fantastic drawing but I really appreciate you taking the extra step to celebrate with me! Now, where the hell are we going to get this cake?

As you can see, Adam is a very talented artist. You can check out more of his drawings at his website.

If you would like to participate in FAT Illustrations, please message me on Twitter or Google +. All you have to do is draw a fat version of any comic book character and send it! I will showcase your art along with your name, Twitter handle, and website (unless you specify otherwise).

FAT Illustrations: Where the readers shine and the comic book characters are slobs.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Fat Lantern Turns 1!

Today is a very special day. Go ahead, ask me why!

Because, today is the one year anniversary of The Fat Lantern! You could even say that it's my BLOGOVERSARY. In my very first post, I said that I wanted this blog to be a forum where I could discuss and learn about comics. Since then, it has become that and more. I've gone beyond comics and written about movies, TV shows, science fiction, and more. I've also put more emphasis on my action figure collecting.

I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and participated in the number of activities I've had on the blog. The Fat Lantern is my outlet to write and be creative. However, it's a lot easier to stay motivated when I'm getting feedback and involvement from readers.

Thank you to Read Comic Books for the constant support on Twitter and for making the kickass Fat Lantern banner at the top of the page.

Thank you to my brother and "Taking Over" co-host derryX for plugging The Fat Lantern at his blog. He has also helped me beef up my comic book trade paperback collection.

Thank you to Ari Carr who has shown tremendous support on Twitter and has mentioned me at her blog (which is fantastic, by the way) multiple times.

I also want to thank my wife for encouraging my comic book and action figure obsession.

I want to also thank some more people on Twitter who continue to show support for The Fat Lantern including Keith FrankGalaxy Junkyard, Adam Wiebner, Lela Gwenn, Comic Book KidPaul Bowler, Tower of Fate, Tommy Lutz, Mike Fitzgerald, and Drunk on Comics (the best comic book podcast there is). There are so many more who have shown support in one way or another. To all of you, I say thanks!

Let's take a retrospective look at The Fat Lantern. Ideally, I would like all of you to go back and read every post because I would not put it online if I didn't think it was good. However, these are my favorite posts that I'm most proud of:

Although I am more than happy with how things have turned out so far, I think there is definitely room for improvement. I'd love more input through comments. The amount of people who visit The Fat Lantern has been increasing, but I can't know what you're thinking by just tracking pageviews. I also want to see more captions for Caption Figures and submissions for FAT Illustrations. These are both weekly segments where the readers get to be creative so I love when people participate. Plus, it makes me laugh! Lastly, I could always use more followers on Twitter. More followers means more people who are exposed to The Fat Lantern. So follow The Fat Lantern on Twitter!

Thank you all again. Please keep reading. I'll keep writing. As usual, I'll talk to you later...


Wait. I think I'm forgetting something. Oh, that's right. LIGHT 'EM UP!

In fullest day,
In famished night,
No burger shall escape my sight!
Let those who worship health food's blight,
Beware my hunger...
Fat Lantern's bite!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Goodbye, Amazing Spider-Man

I can not describe the shock that I felt after reading The Amazing Spider-Man #700. I have been reading comic books my entire life and I have never seen Spider-Man like this. It is one of the most unfortunate tragedies in comics that I have ever witnessed. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. Sure, I haven't been the most dedicated Amazing Spider-Man fan over the years, but would that have changed anything? Would I have been able to help prevent the deterioration of our beloved, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

We all need to come to terms with the harsh reality that Spider-Man as we know him is no more...

The Amazing Spider-Man #700 (2012)

The new Spider-Man is so fat that when he swings around the house he really swings around the house.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Caption Figures #41

"Can I get a little help here? I'm workin' with half a chainsaw for cryin' out loud!"
Please comment with your own captions! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Best of Caption Figures #36-40!

Caption Figures is a weekly segment where I take pictures of my action figures in different positions, add captions, and ask you (the reader) to participate by writing your own captions. Thank you to everyone who participated. I picked my favorite reader caption for each Caption Figure from #36-40. Here they are!

Caption Figures #36

Keith Frank: "My super power? Crabwalking!"

Caption Figures #37

Ari Carr: "Bitch please, I got this in the Black Friday sales!"

Caption Figures #38

Chris Feeney: "Um, I don't think that's how you are supposed to do Gangnam Style."

Caption Figures #39

Read Comic Books: "So, Dave. You've failed at everything after wrestling. Are there any plans to return? ... No, no. I don't want a lap dance. Please stop dancing. For the last time I don't have any singles!"

Caption Figures #40

Mike Fitz: "What the hell?!? Does Parallax shed?!? Eeeeewwww....gross....."