Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014 New Year's Resolutions

I'm not big on New Year's resolutions. I like to start the year fresh, but I never make a list of things I want to do. Well I'm trying something new this year. I would like to have something written out that I can refer back to later in the year. I'm going to spell out a list of things that I would like to accomplish in the upcoming year. Here are my New Year's resolutions for 2014!
  • Take control of my slob urges and get fit -This is probably the most popular New Year's resolution. I'm fully admitting right now that for the past month, I have sort of given up. I've been eating healthy where I can and exercising, but I definitely have adopted a "Whatever, it's the holidays" approach to eating. That ends in 2014. I'm going to continue enjoying delicious garbage food (Because I am The Fat Lantern), but in moderation. I would like to drop the weight I gained over the holidays plus more. A few months ago, I started DDP Yoga and I've been feeling great. It's an amazing workout and I actually enjoy it more than anything I do in the gym. I'm also planning on stepping up my cardio routine and running a 5K in the Spring. So look out for The Fit Fat Lantern in 2014.
  • Stop falling behind on comics so often - I don't know if it's the winter, the holidays, or just laziness, but I've been in a rut in terms of picking up my comics. I still read all of the good stuff I used to, but I go for weeks without picking up a lot more lately than I used to. I want to put a stop to that and continue to get my comics every week because I think I prefer reading gradually as opposed to having stacks to read every 3 or 4 weeks.
  • Watch Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania - These are two WWE pay-per-view events that I grew up watching and never missed until the past few years (I watched Wrestlemania XXVIII in 2012 but I was totally lost). One of the huge changes for me in 2013 was getting cable TV back and being able to watch wrestling weekly again for the first time in 3 years. Back in 2010, I went through a huge transition phase in my life and cable TV was one of those things that I just had to let go of for a while. I never stopped being a fan of wrestling, I just had to take off from a lot of the current storylines for that time. But now I'm completely back in the loop, mostly caught up on the past 3 years, and I think even more into it than before I stopped watching (which I never thought was possible). The Royal Rumble match is my favorite match in all of professional wrestling and Wrestlemania is the biggest event of the year so I'm definitely going to watch both. Furthermore, I'm hoping to watch Wrestlemania with my brother derryX and have one of our classic Wrestlemania parties.
  • Go to a live WWE event - This is also something I did at least once, sometimes twice per year throughout my life then stopped when I had to cancel cable TV. Last night, WWE announced a show coming up in March at Madison Square Garden. You better believe I'm going to try to get my hands on some tickets.
  • Watch more Battlestar Galactica - My wife was nice enough to get me the complete series box of Battlestar Galactica from the 70's for my birthday in June and I was dickish enough to watch the first episode and not watch the rest since. I actually really enjoyed what I watched! That's the worst part. I just let it slip through the cracks and here I am 6 months later, a fool with a mostly unwatched Battlestar Galactica box on his shelf. I'm actually excited to catch some more of that at some point this week.
  • Work harder at writing and getting posts on The Fat Lantern blog - In a few days, it will be 2 years since I started The Fat Lantern blog. I am officially declaring myself the self-proclaimed Intercontinental Heavyweight Blogging Champion and I plan on defending my title in 2014. I will do my best to get some serious (and not so serious) writing done to keep bringing the fattest stuff to the blogging universe.
  • Get more FAT Illustrations - This is something that I was doing weekly for quite a while and people seemed to enjoy it, but for the past few months, I haven't been getting submissions. I need to work on rallying more people to participate. But don't worry, you will see one sooner than you think...
  • Reach 300 Likes on Facebook - This one is simple, but extremely difficult. This year, I started the official Fat Lantern Facebook fanpage. I have been using it to interact with all of you as much as possible outside of these blog posts. It's great to post funny pictures, opinions, random thoughts, digital comic book giveaways, lists of hilarious puns, and more. I really like that aspect of The Fat Lantern and I would really like to have more people involved.
  • Get more people to read this blog! - Ultimately, I do this because I like writing about the things I love. However, it is a lot more enjoyable (and easier) when people are reading and engaging. So please tell your friends and help The Fat Lantern grow and get FATTER. I'm going to work at getting more Facebook Likes, more Twitter followers, and most importantly, more Fat Lantern blog readers which is what this is all about!
What are your New Year's resolutions?

Friday, December 27, 2013

2013 Year End Survey - I Need Your Vote!

Alright folks, another year of The Fat Lantern blog has passed. I need you to tell me what your favorite part of it has been! The feedback that you give me will be used to make The Fat Lantern BIGGER BETTER and FATTER in 2014. I will defend my Intercontinental Heavyweight Blogging Championship another year and with your help we can really run wild.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Holiday Indulgence

Have you ever loved something so much that it became a problem? Well, every Christmas, I encounter this. If I could, I would guzzle this stuff by the barrel. Unfortunately, I can not. This magical elixir that has also been the bane of my existence is egg nog.


It has taken me 30 years and I can finally sit down with a nice Christmas cookie (Who am I kidding? A plate of Christmas cookies.) and enjoy a mug of nog. I've loved it my entire life. It's actually part of my Christmas tradition to always make sure I get my hands on some during the holiday season. I'm drinking it right now as I type! Hold please...

...mmmm, yummy. That's good stuff.

The problem arose when I was a kid. I didn't have a limit to how much I would drink. You may be thinking "Well of course. You were a kid. You didn't know any better." Oh I knew better. I absolutely knew going into it that there would be consequences. I just didn't care because I enjoyed it that much. I wanted the nog and I wanted a lot of it. What were those consequences, you may be wondering? Oh I think you know. But just in case you don't, allow me to demonstrate:


But you know what? I'm a bit older, a bit smarter, not much more mature, but I think I have it under control. Even if I didn't, it's the holiday season. Indulging and going a little overboard is what it's all about. Well, actually presents is what it's all about. Indulging is just fun and delicious (and sometimes disgusting). So I hope you enjoy a nice glass of egg nog this holiday season but don't drink until you puke. Just drink until you feel like you're going to puke.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Caption Figures #82

Please comment with a caption for this picture! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Calling All Artists - Help Save Christmas Again!

My 2012 Christmas FAT Illustration - Atrociclaus
It has been a while since I've received a FAT Illustration submission. Well, we're days away from Christmas, and we can not celebrate here at The Fat Lantern unless we have some Christmas-themed FAT Illustrations. We had a lot of fun with them last year (Check here and here). We need to repeat that joy this year.

These drawings can be extremely elaborate or they can literally be stick figure sketches that take 30 seconds to draw. I don't care. You do not need to be an artist to submit a drawing. All I ask is that they are fat versions of skinny characters. These can be characters from comic books, video games, TV shows, movies, wrestling, or anything else. The key here is that the illustrations have something to do with Christmas. Perhaps you can draw a character as Santa or a snowman? Maybe sketch someone at the North Pole? I will accept anything that you come up with. Just make them FAT, and make them Christmassy.

So please, send me some drawings! I'll feature them in a special blog post on Christmas Day and put links to your Twitter, Facebook page, website, or anything else you may have. You can submit your illustrations via The Fat Lantern Facebook page, Twitter (@TheFatLantern), or Google +. Share this with your friends and family. Maybe someone you know would like to have their drawing featured here.

Please help celebrate Christmas the right way. The Fat Lantern way!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Good For You, Bruce

From Justice League #25 (2013)
I read the latest issue of Justice League and this is the first panel I saw. I think Bruce makes a great point. First of all, I can eat 4 orders of nachos and 8 hot dogs without breaking a sweat. Second, have you ever eaten food during a movie? It's like not eating at all. I don't know if it's the distraction from the movie or the food they serve at the theater but I could slob it up during a movie and come out being hungrier than ever. Third, these people are rich. They're cheaping out on the junk food and I won't stand for it.

I'm with Bruce on this one. Hot dogs and nachos are not a meal. They're an appetizer at best. If you don't let a kid have pizza, you should go to jail.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Toy Drives: Please Give This Holiday Season

I want to preface this post by saying that it's very difficult to talk about certain things without getting on a high horse. So if this comes across as that, then I apologize, but I also don't care because it's for a good cause.

There are a lot of things going on in the world. I realize that people need help. But at this moment, I want to talk about one thing: toys for kids.

Christmas has and always will be about presents for me. Sure it's about love and Jesus and decorations and lights and blah blah blah. For me, it's presents. It's not just about receiving them, but it's also about giving. There's something special about it either way.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in an environment that allowed me to enjoy a full Christmas every year. Every Christmas since I was born has been a present-fest. The one thing that has not changed in 30 years is me getting action figures for Christmas. I'm almost 30 and it still gives me that warm fuzzy feeling.

Christmas 2012
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that are not as spoiled as I am. Every year, there are kids that don't get to have the experience of unwrapping Christmas presents. That's where toy drives come in.

It's something that you probably hear a lot. Basically, toys are collected and distributed to children in need. All you have to do to participate is take a toy and put it in a box. Where are these boxes? They are all over the place. You just have to find them, and they're not very hard to find. As a matter of fact, my job notified me of multiple drop-off locations for a local toy drive. It won't even cost a lot of money. If you have 5 dollars to spare, buy a toy and donate it! If you really can't find a location near you, then donate as little or as much as you want to Toys for Tots. They will ensure that your money will be used to provide toys for children in need.

This year, I donated money to Toys for Tots and some sweet action figures to my local Manhattan toy drive. I gave a WWE CM Punk action figure, a Marvel Wolverine Logan action figure, and a Star Wars (The Black Series) Darth Vader action figure.


I spend all year buying action figures for myself, talking about them, playing with them, taking pictures of them, using them for Caption Figures, and flaunting them all over the internet. This is my chance to give a little and let less fortunate kids enjoy some cool action figures as much as I do and hopefully more.

I can not describe the happiness that I get from dropping toys into a toy drive bin and knowing that kids who would not have gotten a present this Christmas will now get one because of me. I encourage you and urge you to please, go buy some action figures and drop them off in a toy drive bin. Make some kid's Christmas. My Christmas wish is that at least one person reads this and ends up donating a toy to a child because of it. The more, the merrier.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs 2013 Predictions

Tonight, we will see the unification of the WWE Championship and the World Heavyweight Championship (or will we?) at the WWE pay-per-view TLC: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs! However, I have a feeling that the mid-card is going to shine tonight. Here are my TLC predictions.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango

I believe that these are two of the most talented guys the WWE has right now. I think this is going to be a fantastic match and Dolph is going to come out on top.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Intercontinental Champion Big E Langston vs. Damien Sandow (Intercontinental Championship Match)

This one is tough. At first, I was 100% for Big E Langston. Lately, they've been having him commentate and he really needs some work on the mic. I think he's good in the ring, but between him and Sandow, I think Sandow deserves to wear the gold. In terms of the outcome of this match, I think Mark Henry will get involved and cost Big E the Intercontinental Championship.

Winner: Damien Sandow

WWE Tag Team Champions Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio & Big Show vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel vs. The Real Americans (Fatal 4-Way Match for the Tag Team Championships)

This should be an OK match. I'm hoping that we'll see the Cesaro Swing on Big Show. The problem I have with this is that so many of these tag teams are just a couple of guys thrown together. Ryback and Axel (Rybaxel) is pretty weak. The Real Americans have been awesome as of late but I honestly don't know how long they'll stay as a team with Antonio Cesaro getting so popular. I'm going with Cody and Goldie on this one.

Winners: Cody Rhodes and Goldust

Divas Champion AJ Lee vs. Natalya (Divas Championship Match)

This should be an amazing match. In my eyes, these are the two best women wrestlers in the WWE. I think that Natalya will win the Divas Championship, but not tonight. I think she's going to win it on a bigger stage such as the Royal Rumble or Wrestlemania.

Winner: AJ Lee

CM Punk vs. The Shield (3-on-1 Handicap Match)

I think it's pretty obvious that The Shield is going to have some trouble in this match. I don't know exactly how it will happen, but they will implode during this match and end up losing. I have a feeling that Roman Reigns is going to get fed up with Dean being so overbearing and turn face. Rollins will probably remain heel with Dean.

Winner: CM Punk

Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family (3-on-1 Handicap Match)

I'm predicting what I really want to see and that's Daniel Bryan fighting his heart out to beat The Wyatt Family fair and square. Daniel Bryan could not have the fans behind him more right now and I think him overcoming the odds in a match like this is the perfect opportunity to put him over as the ultimate underdog. Everyone keeps underestimating him and he's going to keep showing them that he's the best.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton (Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match for the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships)

The WWE has been telling us over and over that the winner of this match will be the "Champion of Champions" and that the two titles will be unified. This makes me think that they aren't going to do that. That seems to be the trend lately, WWE not giving the fans what they're begging for. However, again, I think this will happen on a grander stage, such as Royal Rumble or Wrestlemania.

My wild idea for this match is that the titles will get swapped. Randy Orton will grab the World Heavyweight Championship and John Cena will grab the WWE Championship. Then, they'll basically be stuck in a position of "OK well, what do we do now?" That will build into a no-stipulation, plain, old-fashioned wrestling match for the unification of the titles.

Winners: Randy Orton (New World Heavyweight Champion) and John Cena (New WWE Champion)

Friday, December 13, 2013

Caption Figures #81

Please comment with a caption for this picture! I'll pick my favorite caption and feature it in a "best of" post.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Best Of Caption Figures #76-80!

Caption Figures is a weekly bit of fun we have where I take pictures of my action figures and ask you (the reader) to come up with your own captions. Thank you to everyone who participated! Here are the best reader captions for Caption Figures #76-80!

Caption Figures #76

Keith Frank: "You wanna pew pew me? I'll counter with BULLET TIME LEAN BACK BIOTCH!"

Caption Figures #77

Nick Francis: Terminator - "Excuse me, excuse me! Over here! Officer, this man has no clothes on.....and I was shot in the face. Can you help us?" Officer - "Where is John Connor?" Terminator - "Damn it!"

Caption Figures #78

Amanda: "Brother's don't shake hands!! Brothers gotta hug!!"

Caption Figures #79
No captions :(

Caption Figures #80

Scott Betts: "I should have a better backup plan for when the Batmobile is in repair ..."

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Little Guido's Little Helper

I consider myself to be pretty lucky in terms of the era of wrestling that I grew up watching. I actually lived through the rise and fall of ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling). Not only did I grow up watching it, but I was lucky enough to attend a few ECW shows. Of course it was a crazy, fun experience every time. But at one show, something incredible happened that I'll never forget.

Little Guido
The year was 2000 and I was at a local ECW show in Middletown, NY. Since it was a local, minor show, you were able to get really close to the wrestlers. I was fortunate enough to actually meet one of my favorite ECW superstars, Little Guido of the F.B.I. (Full Blooded Italians).

Me and my friends were walking around before the show and he was just standing there talking to a couple of guys. We were in awe. We couldn't believe he was right in front of us! So we ran up to him and of course told him what big fans we were. We started talking and out of the blue, he asked "...so where are you guys sitting?" We responded "Front row!" I was holding a cup of soda in my hand and he looked at me and said "OK. When the match starts, I'm going to come up to you, grab your soda, and smash it in his face.", referring to his opponent. I responded "OK!" and immediately ran into the bathroom to fill the cup with water, because little did he know, it was completely empty.

I went to my seat and waited for the show to start. I wasn't convinced that it was actually going to happen. Finally, Little Guido came to the ring and the match started. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was so nervous! The match started and he attacked his opponent and threw him outside of the ring. They came right over to me and BAM. Little Guido grabbed my cup of soda (water) and smashed it on his opponent's head. It splashed everywhere and the crowd went CRAZY.

I couldn't believe it! I was actually involved in a wrestling match. Sure it was insignificant in the grand scheme of wrestling, but it has always been extremely significant to me. If I had to sum up the experience in one sentence, it'd probably be...

THAT WAS AWE-SOME ... THAT WAS AWE-SOME ... THAT WAS AWE-SOME

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Earth to Green Lantern

I've noticed a split between people who enjoy comics about characters that explore other planets and dimensions and characters that fight crime and evil on earth. I don't dislike the idea of characters being out in space, fighting cosmic beings. I'd even say that I prefer it. But I enjoy it as long as at some point, they come down to earth. I feel like the Green Lantern universe needs to get grounded a bit. It's all on too big of a scale to really enjoy and relate to.

Larfleeze #1
I'm not saying everything needs to be 100% real. It's a comic book! I realize that. I like reading about people gaining super powers and flying in space to fight weird aliens. But to a degree. I've been noticing that Green Lantern and company have been flying around in space for a while. And not only that, but they keep exploring new planets/space sectors and meeting new species.

Green Lantern: New Guardians #25
This really started to irk me in Larfleeze #1. I couldn't have been more disappointed in the whole direction that he was taken in this series. He's such a demented, tragic character and by the end of the first issue they had him fighting some cosmic dog. In Green Lantern: New Guardians #25, a title that I have been enjoying since issue #1, we saw the continuing adventures of Kyle Rayner, the White Lantern who everyone thinks is dead. I liked that aspect of the story. But this issue focused on him going to some planet, dealing with yet another new species. In the main Green Lantern title, we keep meeting all of these new alien recruits. I can't keep track!

Enough with the imagination. Let's focus more on what's out there and stop creating planets and aliens. Just for a little bit. Now that there are so many Lantern-related titles (Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps, Green Lantern: New Guardians, Red Lanterns, and Larfleeze), not to mention all of the Justice League titles, there is just too much going on. It's character hoarding. DC keeps creating and collecting more and more characters. The next thing you know, they're going to need to create another company just to have somewhere to put all of these characters.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

WWE Slammy Awards 2013 Picks

Tomorrow is the WWE Slammy Awards! I've taken all of the nominees into consideration and I'm ready to vote. Here are my Sammy Award picks!

Superstar of the Year
My pick: Daniel Bryan

What can I say? It's his time. He has really stepped up this past year and shown the entire WWE universe what it means to be great. Not only that, but he is more over with the fans than any other wrestler. Fans chant "YES!" during matches that have nothing to do with Daniel Bryan. He deserves this award.

Diva of the Year
My pick: AJ Lee

AJ Lee has something that not many WWE superstars have control of, and that's psychology. She's a female wrestler that doesn't just use her looks to get by. She's a great wrestler and has become a model Divas Champion. She's the total Diva package.

Double-Cross of the Year
My pick: Paul Heyman betrays CM Punk at WWE Money in the Bank.

The feud that followed this was actually pretty emotional and I think the betrayal itself was really crazy. Heyman was just plain scary.

Match of the Year 
My pick: Undertaker vs. CM Punk

I hate to be that fan that goes "In my day...!", but back when Undertaker started, the idea of a guy that looked like CM Punk going up against Undertaker was laughable. However, they made it work. CM Punk was ruthless. Undertaker was unstoppable. The match ended with one of the best Tombstones I've ever seen. It was amazing.

Insult of the Year
My pick: Zeb Colter's insults

They crack me up every time.

"LOL!" Moment of the Year
My pick: Vickie Guerrero is fired as Raw GM

I promised Vickie Guerrero on Twitter that I'd vote for her if she followed me and she did. So she's getting my vote by default. A deal's a deal.

Extreme Moment of the Year
My pick: Punk exacts vengeance on Paul Heyman at Hell in a Cell

I'd say in comparison to the other nominees, this one is the most brutal.

Fan Participation Award
My pick: Yes! Yes! Yes!

YES! YES! YES!

Web Exclusive Awards:

"This is Awesome" Moment of the Year
My pick: Daniel Bryan wins WWE Championship against Randy Orton at Night of Champions

Trending Now (Hashtag of the Year)
My pick: #BelieveInTheShield

Breakout Star of the Year
My pick: Big E Langston

Beard of the Year
My pick: Daniel Bryan

“What a Maneuver!” Award
My pick: Cesaro Swing (Antonio Cesaro)

Faction of the Year
My pick: The Shield

“You Still Got It!” (Best Superstar Return)
My pick: Goldust

Couple of the Year
My pick: Naomi & Jimmy Uso

Tag Team of the Year
My pick: Cody Rhodes & Goldust

Feat of Strength of the Year
My pick: Antonio Cesaro swings The Great Khali

“Say What?!” Quote of the Year
My pick: “Rise above THIS!” – Damien Sandow

Best Dance Moves
My pick: Summer Rae

Favorite Web Show
My pick: "The JBL & Cole Show"

Best Crowd of the Year
My pick: Raw in England (London, Apr. 22) 

Catchphrase of the Year
My pick: “YES! YES! YES!”